


Raindrops

by laughingindistress



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Angst, But not too bad I hope, Character Death, Domestic Violence, Drinking to Cope, Drug Abuse, Drug Addiction, Explicit Language, Heavy Angst, I'm Bad At Tagging, I'm Sorry, Implied/Referenced Animal Abuse, Implied/Referenced Cheating, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Jaehyun is awful here, M/M, Murder, Poor Lee Taeyong, Taeyong Blames Himself, Victim Blaming, What Have I Done, pretty graphic, really sad
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-27
Updated: 2019-10-27
Packaged: 2021-01-04 07:34:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,178
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21193961
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/laughingindistress/pseuds/laughingindistress
Summary: Jaehyun and Taeyong have been in love for a long time, but sometimes things change.





	Raindrops

**Author's Note:**

> This is something I wrote based off my own feelings and the experiences of some family members who have gone through this kind of stuff. This can be very triggering so please read the tags before you read! I tried to tag as best I could, but just to be sure, this story includes:  
!References to rape!  
!Explicit language and name calling!  
!Drug and alcohol abuse!  
!Domestic abuse/violence!  
!Self-Blame!  
!References to animal abuse!  
!Family deaths!  
!Unhealthy coping!  
!Suicidal Ideation!  
Basically the life of someone who lives in an abusive relationship. Read at your own risk. Also! I have not been in a PHYSICALLY abusive relationship myself. This is all based off experiences of those close to me! Enjoy!

_ "Who the fuck told you that you could leave tonight, huh? I don't remember allowing you to go whore yourself out to all those men on the street, you dumb slut! But you like it, don't you? You're a disgusting bitch who likes to get used by all those men, huh? Is that it?! You ungrateful little piece of shit. I'll show you what being a whore really is!" _

Those words were beaten into my face, my body, my brain, my heart, and then penetrated into me against my will. Every night was the same routine. I'd come home from work, exhausted and defeated, only to be confronted with some lie about being unfaithful to my boyfriend who was probably high on cocaine again. Every day I came home at the same time, but to him, it was just later and later. To him, I was out sleeping with a different guy each time, sucking dick for extra cash or getting high at some crack house. Funny how he was the one doing those things, not me. But of course, denying it only made it worse. He never let me forget the things he says, the things he does. He beats it into my brain and if I even dare to feel anything other than pain and fear, he beats me harder. I never felt okay while I was at home, not while he was there calling it home as well. I never felt safe. I couldn't even feel safe when he was out at the bar and I was shut up in my bedroom, because I knew as soon as he came home completely shitfaced I'd get beaten for being a filthy whore again. 

Jaehyun never used to be like this. Jaehyun used to be bright, respectful, full of love and cheer. He cared about everyone around him, helped anyone out when they needed it, and never dared touch so much as a drop of alcohol or even so much as to look at a drug. He hated it, hated intoxicated people, hated anyone who was rude and disrespectful, hated anyone who hurt the ones he loved. Jaehyun was a good man, and that's why I fell in love with him. Lee Taeyong, the local pretty boy, head over heels for the same man everyone else was. It was just how things worked out, I guess, when our friends set us up on a blind date and things just went from there. Everything about us was nice. I loved him, he loved me. We were the perfect couple, the pair everyone envied. But nothing stays perfect forever, and I learned that the hard way. 

First, his mother died. Jaehyun had always been a mama's boy, so it wasn't unusual that he took her passing as hard as he did. He shut himself up, didn't talk to anyone. I remember the days where I wouldn't even see him in our own home because he was locked away in our guest room and never came out. He wouldn't speak to me, he refused to eat, he refused do anything. It got to the point where I had to call our friends to physically drag him out of bed and to the hospital. After that, he went to therapy, and sometimes afterwards he would go to the bar. I never thought anything about it, even though he would sometimes yell and break things when he would come home. Everything was fine once he sobered up, and he didn't exactly drink all the time. It was still rare, and things were still okay. 

Then came the death of his brother and him losing his job. Those both hit him harder than his mother. Jaehyun lost his best friend, the one he grew up with, far too young and way too quickly. Jaehyun lost his job, his source of income, everything he's ever worked towards, his dream. Jaehyun lost them both within the same week, so it was only understandable that he was so utterly broken. His trips to the bar became more frequent and his sessions with his therapist slowly became nonexistent. I picked up more jobs to help us get by, since Jaehyun was our main source of income before. I wasn't home to see the other people he brought home to sleep with, men and women alike, or the people he would bring to do lines of coke in our living room or shoot up in the bathroom. I was never there to see the empty bottles of booze covering our bedroom, or to see the way Jaehyun took out his anger and despair on our pet cat, killing her and tossing her in the road like some type of roadkill. By the time I was able to get a steady job with good pay, Jaehyun was never sober anymore. He was on all types of drugs, drinking whatever alcohol he could get his hands on, and as soon as he sobered up he was right back at it again. With our friends gone, our pet dead, and me around more frequently now, I became his new punching bag. Jaehyun never used to be like this, but then suddenly, he was. Soon enough, Jung Jaehyun, my boyfriend of 5 years, became my worst nightmare. He became everything I feared, the one I dreaded to see each and every day, the one who made my days hard and my nights harder. Jung Jaehyun became my abuser. 

And yet, I still loved the bastard. 

Every bruise, every cut, every scar, every broken bone just became a constant reminder of how awful _ I _ was, not him. I was the one bleeding, he was the one taking more and more blood, and yet I couldn't be mad at him. I couldn't be mad at him for doing this, not after everything that happened to him. And hell, maybe I deserved it. Maybe I deserved every beating I got because I wouldn't listen to him. Maybe I deserved the times he raped me because I just wasn't in the mood for sex. Maybe I deserved it because I couldn't help my own boyfriend when he needed help the most. Though, I did everything for him. I never got love for the things I sacrificed for him, the things I did in spite of myself. The only thing I ever got anymore was a fresh beating. Whether it was early in the morning or late at night, I was never greeted with kisses or hugs or just a simple "I love you". I was greeted with a fist, or a kick, and maybe even glass or knives. Maybe I'd get lucky and he'd pass out before he finishes beating me till I black out, but that was it. It's gotten bad though, gotten to the point where I just go completely numb, absentmindedly letting out cries of pain and screams of _ "I'm sorry!" _, but I didn't feel a damn thing anymore. I was used to it. 

The only reason I'm still alive is because I still have things to live for, to keep me calm during all the chaos. I don't have any family and I never did, and our friends left us when Jaehyun became a druggie. I don't have anyone, but at least I have the weather. When I get up for work, I always look outside before I do anything else. Our window is old and dirty. No amount of cleaner can get rid of filth on it. It's the only window I'm allowed to look through, though, so I cherish that. Seasons are the only thing that can change without causing such pain, so I watch them change from that dirty old window with a smile on my face. Each season brings me a different level of peace, but spring has always been my favorite. 

Tonight, I decided it was best to head home a bit earlier. No doubt I'd get beaten for "whoring around" so late at night regardless of what time I returned, but I didn't care. Tonight it was supposed to storm. A severe thunderstorm was in tonight's forecast, and those have always been my favorite. I hadn't always liked the sound of thunder. As a little boy, it scared me, but now I yearn for it. It drowns out all those awful words being screamed at me, being engraved into my skin and bones. It drowns out my pain, just listening to the way the thunder rumbles and shakes our old little wooden house. 

I hurried out the back of the store and hung up my apron on the way out. It was starting to cloud up, but even in the darkness of the night, you could see how full the clouds were. I smiled a little, savoring the moment before it was ruined once again by the man I loved most. Walking home, I took my time. My steps were slow and cautious, and my eyes were glued to the sky for comfort. Each step brought me closer to my doom, but each look at the sky made me feel like I'd be okay. Maybe today would be my lucky day and he'd already be passed out from drinking so much. 

The pounding in my heart didn't match the calm breaths I was taking. It didn't match the way my head was peacefully clouding up like the sky. I felt uneasy, but the thunder that began to boom blocked out all the horrible scenarios I was thinking about. It was when I got to the door of my house that it began to rain, but not as hard as I would've liked. I let the rain fall against my skin and cool off my sweaty body before I went inside. Hopefully it'd pick up later.

The door swung open before I could even pull the keys from my pocket. I knew what was coming. I kept my eyes closed and didn't dare open them until I hit the ground, my head throbbing. Jaehyun must have been high on heroin tonight, because his hits seemed stronger than usual. Blood was gushing from the side of my head, and when I touched the gash, I figured he also wore his rings today. He liked to do that when he was really looking for a fight. He was screaming at me, I could tell, but I couldn't make out anything he was saying. It was probably the usual slurs he threw my way, so who was I to care? I knew them well enough. The thunder drowned them out even more than the ringing in my ears, making it almost silent. I was grateful for that. Maybe tonight I would just get the physical scars, not emotional. I started to feel my body being smashed into the ground, my head hitting the concrete repeatedly as he punched and kicked wherever he could. I didn't dare focus on the overwhelming pain or the horrible feeling of blood pouring from my body. I just focused on the thunder and rain. They sounded so nice together.

My eyes fell closed once more as the beating continued, and I couldn't tell if what I was hearing was the thunder or the pounding of my heart. But just as quickly as it had started, it had stopped. The blows to my body halted. I couldn't hear anymore. It was all kind of blank, but I knew what was happening. I felt the pressure. He was dragging me into the street by my hair, the concrete below only causing me to bleed more. I didn't mind though. The rain was nice. 

He threw me into the road like I was just a piece of trash, and maybe that's all I was to him. When I felt his presence disappear, I took the opportunity to force my swollen eyes open to look up at the sky. The rain had picked up a lot, pouring hard onto my body and mixing with all the blood pooling around me. It soothed all my cuts and bruises, and it made me feel safe. I managed to turn my head to the side somehow, ignoring the immense throbbing that came with it. Coming towards me were two bright lights that I could only assume was a vehicle of some kind. It didn't show any signs of slowing down, probably wasn't even aware of my body in the road, so I was sure it was gonna hit me. If I tried hard enough, I could roll out of the way, but I didn't move. I didn't move, I didn't scream, I didn't do anything. I simply let my eyes close for the umpteenth time that night, focusing on how the rain felt on my body before I couldn't feel it anymore. Soon, the car collided with my body, running it over and crushing everything I had inside me. I didn't mind though. The rain felt good.

I found peace in the rain, and I think it found peace in me, too. 

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed <3 please let me know if you did with comments or kudos! (P.S this is in no way shape or form glorifying abuse)


End file.
